I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
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