i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
