think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
