he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i believe in u and ur pee
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
