I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
