How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just google imaged poop.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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