mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
