either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
