Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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