why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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