Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
