omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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