Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
