cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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