he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
