She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
