I wish my penis had an off switch
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
