Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
