I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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