i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
