Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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