Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I need a burrito and a hug.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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