She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
