Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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