so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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