I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
