I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
