She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
