a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
