i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
