There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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