I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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