Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
This is the high leading the old right now
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
