i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
