peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Randomize
