He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
