Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
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