I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
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