Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
