genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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