so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
