FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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