If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
