I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
