i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
