Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
