drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
