you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
