Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
