is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
