Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
