At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
