YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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